to looking like this:
Regular-looking feet for the first time in my life since I started walking. And they weren't just funny-looking - my feet used to hurt every day, sometimes to the point where I couldn’t walk any more. This time last year I had my bandages off, gave back my crutches and started shuffling around on my own two spanking-new feet. Yesterday as I stomped through the snow on my way home from yoga, I marvelled at how far I’d come since those first few tentative steps, when an old couple with a walker could (and did) overtake me with ease!
But today I felt frustrated - while my feet definitely no longer hurt like they did when I had bunions, my big toes are stiff and often pretty sore, and I’ve lost a lot of flexibility. Flexible toes is not something I’d thought much about, until I started practicing yoga. My practice has come on in leaps and bounds, in almost every area except my leaps and bounds! Hopping back to plank, or forward from downward dog is almost impossible without being able to put all your body weight into your toes, and then even more as you spring up. Poses that require you to balance on your toes, like plank for example, have been more challenging for me than they would have before my operation, leading me to question whether it was all worth it.
But today in class, with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we were all invited to let in a little self-love, to use love as a mantra to help us focus. And when I did, I began to be a little easier on myself, and my frustration began to fade. I realized that I’d forgotten what it was like to not be able to walk without help. To have to use crutches, the wall or other people as support, and how frustrating it was to need 10 minutes just to shuffle to the bathroom. I might not be hopping up into poses right now, and in fact I may never get full strength and flexibility back in my toes. But all that means is that I’ll have to develop strength in other areas to compensate, and maybe one day I’ll be floating into headstands, rather than springing into them! I’ve realized that what is holding me back isn’t lack of flexibility in my toes, it’s fear of the pain that might happen if I try. So with that in mind, I attempted my first couple of hops back and forward - It hurt a bit for sure, but nothing that I can’t handle. Yoga has taught me that being afraid of something is no reason to not try, and has given me the patience I need to keep on trying, even (especially) when the first attempt isn’t pretty!
After yoga I hit up The Cannon for my post-class coffee, and while there my friend and I met and chatted to a lady with no arms and no legs. Seeing this woman deal with one of the most challenging hands life can deal with humour and grace gave me the perspective I needed - yes, my feet are sore and my yoga practice is slightly restricted because of it. But I have a strong body, all my senses work and if achy toes are the worst of my problems, I got a pretty good thing going on!
And speaking of love, if you're looking for an environmentally (and financially) friendly flower-alternative for a Valentine's Day gift, come check out my stall at Art Crawl tomorrow! Yes, it's going to be negative-something-or-other, and probably snowing, but I'll still be there with plenty for sale - hats. gloves, fleece-lined cowls, and these Forever-Roses:
Let's spread the love...happy Valentine's Day! xxx
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